I really miss the way loving God used to make me feel. It gave me this sense of fulfillment and purpose. It's been ages since I've really thought about my relationship with God. I know I could never go back to who I was then, and I could never love anything so blindly again after everything that's happened. Losing people made me lose my faith. My faith meant so much to me, and I clung to it for everything. For answers, for strength, for endurance, for love, just everything. My relationship with God dissipated, and I began to look for these things in other places. I tried to have faith in other people. I looked for it their actions, their way with words, and even now, I have such strong faith in people and their integrity. I truly believe in our humanity, and that there are people who will always do the right thing even when no one's looking. Those people gave me faith again. I found my strength again within myself. I picked myself up, dusted off, and bit the bullet. I finally realized that I was responsible for my own happiness and so with that realization, came the strength to always push forward to achieve that. I found love everywhere. Literally everywhere. Even though I have a hard time telling anyone those three little words, I fell in love with the world. And I fell hard. I traveled, I took photos of what I saw, and I truly listened to what strangers had to say, and damn, was it incredible. I remember once meeting this little boy in the basement of this old abandoned church because the kids played soccer in the open space when it was cold outside. He was maybe 6 or 7, and he spoke broken English. He had a huge gash on his cheek and it looked like he had been in a fight recently, so I pointed to it and tried to ask if he was okay and if he was hurt. I'll never forget it. "It hurt, my face hurt, but it heal." He grabbed his chest with his small hands over his heart and said "this hurt more." I was 19 at the time, and 6 years later I still remember that little boy because I had loved him. So, even with the absence of God and my religion, I still have these things and I still have my spirituality. But there are days, like today, where I feel that hollowness, and I have to wonder if I could attribute it to losing my faith in my God? I keep saying I want to go to church one Sunday just to see how it feels again. To see how my mind and heart would feel in the presence of God again. I haven't done it yet, but I still marvel at the idea of a God so huge and powerful, and there are times where I just look upward and I have to catch my breath at the sight of it all. And I think in those moments, that He still remembers me, and maybe even misses me. And it's days like today that I miss Him too.

For the first time in a long time, I truly felt like I was in the right place at the right time this morning.

I love that feeling.